Bud, Ben, Jerry & our house ghost.

As I sit here alone drinking a bud light (which has been a new thing) and eating ben & jerry’s half baked ice cream I think to myself; Jesus Christ my life has gotten pathetic.  It’s amazing how easy it is to go from “wow, my life is great” to well….shit! I seem to have lost more than I’ve gained over the past few months.

  One of the biggest is school.  I’ve bitched and moaned more than anyone when it came time to go to class, but deep down it was where I loved being.  It’s where I met some amazing people, people that have taught me so much in life and have been there for me even though they’ve only just started getting to know me.  Now that I’ve been forced out, a piece of me went with it. 

I used to know where I was going, I could see what I wanted and I knew one day I was going to get it.  (side note: did you see how many I’s were in that sentence)

Now I look down the road, and there’s nothing but a blurred sense of reality, a dull glow left from what used to be my dreams.  I literally have no clue where I want to go from here.  I have so many ideas, no really SOOOOOO many ideas, just ask my friends; they’ll tell ya.  I want to be a better person; no I need to be a better person.  I have zero self satisfaction.  I feel like I’ve failed on many levels, and now I’m just a weight having to be carried by the better people in my life.  (Side note: I am writing this in the dining room of our extremely creepy yet lovely house.. in the dark.. alone.. and I swear I just saw something. Okay sussi, just breathe.. wooohh)

 I am 21, this mid-life crisis crap isn't suppose to happen yet. Wait? Do girls get mid-life crisis's? hmmm..

Anyways, why does bad always seem to outweigh the good?   Why does this have to happen WHEN I’m supposed to be having the best years of my life?  I just don’t get it, I don’t get why drama has to envelop my life.  I feel like that horrible girl that no one wants to hang out with because she’s always one step away from reality TV.  (side note: this is the type of shit that happens when I get left alone with alcohol)  As I move on to round two with bud and shovel another spoonful of creamy goodness down my throat I realize that sentence sounded a lot like the first one.  Oh well!